Limiting Beliefs

Most of us, more women than men, have Limiting Beliefs. These are the beliefs that prevent us from doing/achieving what we really want in life. They keep us tied to a job that we don't like, they keep us overweight, they keep us poor and unhappy.

Examples are:

I'm not...
I can't...
I'll never...
I don't...

There are hundreds of limiting beliefs we face everyday. A lot of these barriers to success were drummed into our heads as children as a way for our parents to keep us 'safe' and under control. Even more come from the media, especially fashion magazines - as in the case of limiting beliefs for women. Many of these limiting beliefs are so ingrained into our psyche that we don't even recognize them as limiting beliefs, but as fact. And we listen to them and act upon them unconsiously.

We are all brought up with the 'should' in life. How things are supposed to look, feel and be. Ask yourself one question:

Who told you any/all of the above limiting beliefs about yourself and what authority do they have to make the decision about YOU? Tell me, if these same people told you that all elephants are pink with purple polka-dots, would you believe them? Of course not.

You are the master of your own life and your own destiny.

I was told over and over as a child by my parents, my siblings and others that I can't. No matter what it was I wanted to do I was told that I can't. Now, the word can't implies that one is not able to achieve something. I was born with a brain, all of my body parts in tact and the same 'ability' as anyone else to achieve whatever it is that I wanted in life. Why were these limiting beliefs placed upon me?

The cool thing is, that as adults we now have the choice to accept these limiting beliefs and continue to allow them to keep us in a negative space, OR we can choose to examine these limiting beliefs, see them for what they truly are (Limiting), release them and then replace them with empowering beliefs.

One of the first steps in turning these limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs is asking WHY?

WHY aren't I...
WHY can't I...
WHY won't I...
WHY don't I...

When you turn these around, what you will start to see emerging are reasons why these limiting beliefs DON'T WORK!

Once you grasp the concept that the thought patterns limiting beliefs create are causing you more harm than good you are able to start turning them around into a belief system which is positive and empowering. One that will help you achieve your goals, your desires, happiness.

Let's try this:

I AM.....
I CAN...
I WILL...
I DO...

Take each of the above statement beginnings and write 10 answers for each. These answers MUST be positive. Then once you have done that, focus on the aspects of your life where you can put these new EMPOWERING beliefs to work.

Changing your internal messages and thought patterns is not easy and it takes a lot of hard work. You will backslide into your old patterns from time to time so expect it and accept it. This does not mean you are a failure, rather it means you need to keep reminding yourself that you are able, you can achieve whatever it is you want to achieve. Post these four empowered beginnings somewhere you will see them each day and tell yourself each day why you can, why you will...etc. Eventually the positive, empowering beliefs will replace the old negative, limiting beliefs and become part of who you are, your internal dialogue.

Then, the only thing limiting you will be your imagination.

Good luck.

Gratitude

I have come to realize, again kind of a no brain-er, that the key to happiness and success in life is an "Attitude of Gratitude."

If one is constantly complaining about lack, then lack and the associated feelings (depression, despair, anger, etc.) will abound.

However, if you focus on the many wonderful experiences and 'things' then the feelings associated with them (joy, feeling fulfilled and happiness, among others) will also continue to abound.

Funny thing about feelings and emotions, they tend to multiply...rapidly.

So, even in hard times, always focus on what you have, be it the love of a child or spouse, the ability to get out of bed in the morning or even that old clunker in the garage that still works and you will feel enriched and the gratitude everyday.

Optimism

I am wondering where this new sense of optimism has come from. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly enjoying looking at the world around me in a new light, but it is strange to be this happy with no reason.

This year is only four days old and I have already learned a lifetime of lessons. I am beginning a new chapter of my life in just nine more days which will hopefully eventually lead me to a better place in life.

I am still very excited about this new year, not just the start of it, but the whole twelve months. I believe there are a lot of wonderful surprises just lurking right around the corner. Lord knows it is about time. I believe this is going to be the best year ever!!!

Love, Part II

Tonight I learned a very hard lesson...the hard way.

What I thought was going to be a wonderful evening with a man I have wanted to be with for more than 10 years, was not what I had hoped for.

Right now, my heart is in a million pieces but I know this hurt will fade and I will be a stronger, better person for what I have learned from the events which precipitated this heartache.

I am writing this post mainly as a way to get out what I learned so I an think it through during the process of writing. I also hope that someone can learn from this post to avoid heartache.

I have never been very 'suave' with men. I think it is because my mother became ill when I was a young teen and I never had anyone to teach me the proper way to be.

Here is what I learned tonight:

When a man is attracted to and interested in a woman, he will notice that she spent a long time to look nice for him and compliment her on it.

When a man is attracted to and interested in a woman, he will hold her hand, touch her and kiss her.

When a man is attracted to and interested in a woman she won't have to ask him to touch her when they become intimate.

When a man is attracted to and interested in a woman he will look at her and make eye contact as she touches him, he will not keep his eyes closed nor look away.

If a man ever says to a woman "You deserve more" or "You spoil me too much" she should get up and run away from him as fast as she can and never, ever look back because "He's just not that into her."

Many of these lessons seem so obvious and full of common sense but as we have all heard a million times "Love is blind." and trust me it definitely is.

Don't feel badly for me, I have finally learned so many lessons that I have struggled with for a very long time. Yes, right now it feels like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on but I WILL be OK, I will survive and I will go forward a lot smarter and wiser than I was just 9 hours ago.

Love

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Today, I received the following "message from God" as part of an application I am subscribed to on Facebook:

Love is either unconditional or it's no[t] love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So, never say "I love you because..." for love has no cause, love comes from God.

Now, I hardly ever read this daily message, but today the link piqued my interest. It is interesting that this message finds me now when I had recently stopped telling the man of my dreams that I love him because in my eyes, my love for him was not 100% 'unconditional' as prescribed in I Corinthians 13, 4-7, 13.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

In reading this passage, I decided that my love for this man was not trusting and did not hope enough.

I have also realized that something that had happened to me when I was 13 had made me react very badly toward him whenever we would get close.

For years, this man has put up with my misdirected anger and mistrust, and has never abandoned our friendship rather he has continually reassured me that he was "not going anywhere" and we would "always" be friends.

Today, this first day of the new year in a new decade, I finally realized this man I have loved for almost half of my life does in fact love me back.

A hard day...

Sometimes, friends mean well, but the intention gets lost in the translation.

I need to remember that I need to trust and believe in myself and that no matter how hard I try to do everything 'right' I will make mistakes.

I know my friend loves me and only wants the best for me and it is only my past trying to get in the way of the future because I am trying to let it go once and for all.

Another thing I need to keep in the forefront of my mind is something I heard in a movie last night, and that is that miracles occur in everyday happenings such as the laughter of a child, the warmth of the sunshine and other things we all take for granted.

If we look for these common miracles everyday, our hearts will be always filled with joy and love and we will find true happiness.............

Happiness

This concept of choosing to be happy is very new to me. I have discovered, apparently very late in life for most people, that happiness is more of an attitude than something which is influenced by outside factors. It seems people in my generation have been taught that happiness is achieved when you have lots of money to buy things and then even more things and more money. Well, it's not.

For the coming year, I am going to look at everyday as a new opportunity to view my world in a new light, appreciating the 'little' things more and appreciating the people in my life a lot more.

I am going to believe. That has been one of the most difficult things for me - Belief and Faith.